Monday, July 02, 2007
Utter restlessnessI’m feeling sad. I am bored with life and sick of school. I wish right now. I am all dressed-up and out having fun or just sleeping the night away.
I’m feeling pathetic for feeling resentful towards people close to me.
I am feeling infinitely resentful for not having anyone to turn to, someone whom I can jump for joy at getting a place at Harry Elias and Partnership. Please hear me out before getting defensive. Some were busy, some didn’t realise the significant of it and some just haven’t got a place yet. Ah crap, why am I even sweating the small stuff?
I just think that there are more people who are there for me when I’m sad then there are people who are there when I want to jump for joy. Sigh. I mean really, if you know me well enough, how often do you see me on the verge of jumping for joy?
Alright, I’m over it.
Hmmm… right now, I wish I were out on a sweet smelling grass pasture, wind blowing right in my face and right beside me, my horse and I can at any time to rub my face against its neck.
It is so stifling here with so many concrete walls. I can’t wait to marry a rancher and get out of this place.
Sometimes, I feel very distant and detached from everyone. I could almost sink right into the background and observe all that’s going on. It is like no matter how close you are to each other or how close you claim to be, at the end of the day, you are still living a separate life. I don’t expect someone to live through my life with me 24/7, but I’m just dreaming of how nice it would be to have someone who understands, appreciates and cares, entirely and wholeheartedly. If I just had one person like that in my life, I wouldn’t need to be with him or her 24/7, just one day out of the week is enough. I’d live through my whole week just for that one day.
Sometimes, we’d like think we are something special in someone else’s life but how often are we really that?