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JOANIE I am pretty much like every other girl. Perhaps not that much. I like thinking for my own. One thing I can't tolerate is for people to tell me they know me. I find that terribly arrogant. bolditalicstrikestrong

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Runaway Train

Can you help me remember how to smile
make it somehow all seem worth while
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so dated

Channel 5

I was watching the Arena last night and I must say I am truly impressed with the standard of the show. I dare say it is one of the best local productions and whoever came up with it is brilliant and innovative. Who would have thought of a debate show among secondary school students would be this stimulating? Not I.

But after last night, I changed my mind. Admittedly, the students are obviously too nervy to be in their best condition to argue but I felt that they did their best under the circumstances. The students aside, I think Adrian pang is a fantastic choice to be the host for this show. Not only does he know the right things to say at the right time, he looks so comfortable doing what he is doing, it looks as if he was born to host this show.

As for the judges chosen, fortunately, they were not some half-brained twit, the comments they each gave were not only constructive, I felt, but they were also very encouraging and they seemed truly interested in what the debaters say and how they can help the amateur debaters improve. Not like some other judges, we know, who would say nasty things to crush confidence of the people they judge just to be popular, in the wrong way. Besides, one of the judges, Ashraf Safdar Hussain, is so sizzling hot!!! Fortunately, I am not a fire sprinkler, or the crew might have to have me remove for being faulty, going off whenever ASH comes on the set.

Secondly, I just want to point out what a disappointment the Dance Floor has turned out to be, both the participants and the judges. The standard of the participants were not exactly anywhere near as impressive as ‘So You Think You Can Dance?’

Please don’t give me that crap about comparing Americans and locals and how the Americans will always be better. I do not support that statement!!! I truly believe we could be just as good or even better if we were more open and start thinking out of the box, instead of getting complacent now that we are no longer a third world country. We should keep on improving ourselves on every single level, from arts to science to sports to being funny!

As for the judges chosen, I feel that they are all expertise in their own area of dance and the way they gave their judgments, I cannot help but feel that they all come on too strong about how each of them feel about each group with 4 different views judging from their area of expertise.

I don’t understand what the crap is dance technique! To me dancing is just an expression of art via the movement of our body. I think the judges should keep an open mind when it comes to judging the dance moves the youngsters are introducing, instead of thinking NO as soon as they realize its not their kind of dance because there will be no room for evolution for the dance culture if that’s the way they are going to kick people out.

Yup so point is channel 5 in improving with the Arena but with the Dance Floor, the participants and judges got to focus on doing their stuff better.

Life is cream and peaches…

I like fairytales but as much as I like fairytale, I admit I like understanding the darker side of life, too.

I am intrigue by human behaviour, how far each individual would go in the name of desperation for survival, for lust, for power, for wealth etc. Maybe that is my way of going against what is always kept hush-hush, rebelling against convention.

Sometimes it is difficult to be honest about what fascinates me because people feel uncomfortable talking about what is considered a taboo in our society.

I am bringing this up because it bothers me to be misunderstood, to be thought of as a sick person just because I accept that the darker side of life exists. Well, I just want to say that if you think life is a cream and peaches fairytale, you are either leading a much sheltered life or living in denial.

There are two sides to many things in life, I know of the good and, now, I am just accepting there are the bad.

A particularly lousy day

Last Friday, was probably the lousiest day of my life, when nothing seems to go right or at least the way it should.

Right from the very start of the day, my group screwed up our family project. I made a relatively small mistake and I am sorry. But what really pisses me off was the mistake a group mate of mine made. It was unforgivable, even though I had told her it is alright and it is a mistake we made as a group. I truly believe that it is a mistake we made as a group, I can get over that. What I cannot get over is the fact that I actually raised my doubts on her stand but I was not strong enough to stand by it. I shrugged my doubt off because I thought, ‘Hey, she’s the smart one if she said so, then I trust her enough that it is so.’

Lesson learned, to never EVER undermine my intelligences again.

Next was my choir performance, I can truly say that the performance we had for the open house, for the three days, were the best we had. An improvement! =)

On Thursday night, I was told that the choir’s time slot on Friday had been moved forward from 3:45 to 2:55. So we were there at 2:30 under the scorching sun, we waited and waited, then we realised the band had taken our time slot because their conductor requested for it. (I contemplated doing the sorry excuse for a man some serious permanent physical damaged.) And no one, not even choir’s advisor, had the courtesy to inform us, so we waited like fools till 4: 40 when it was finally our turn.

We went on stage, the first song went well, but the sound system went off for the second song and we were left on stage looking like fools. We were not given a chance to re-do that piece there and then because there wasn’t time. But of course there was always time for other stuff.

We requested to perform again at another time slot because that technically was not our fault. We got either a slot later that day at around 6 or the next day. We voted for the 6 p.m. slot but had to go for the slot next day because of some unforeseen circumstance. While I was out and about, back in the choir room, some people decided that we should sing some other songs that we haven’t practice. I am outraged at the sudden change. In the end, I call it off for the day with most members feeling bad. I felt bad too.

You think that is as bad as my day is going to be? You are wrong! I had one of my members whom I consider to be my good friend, coming up and telling me she wants to quit. She told me she is getting too busy with school and work, I cannot bring myself to believe that is the whole truth but I know she cannot commit to us anymore, so why force her?

One thing about me, I give a lot of respect to people who are honest, people who have the guts to come right up and tell me things to my face. At least that gives me a chance to explain myself, instead of doubting myself.

Anyway, when your day gets really lousy, it is fortunate to know you have your close friends to stand by you. Thank you, Sin Yee, my darling. =) for listening to my ranting of my whole lousy day and finally giving me some of the soundest advice ever.

Fat & Thin
Went to bed,
Fat roll over Thin
And Thin went dead.

Fess up, how many of you were laughing at the plight of Thin and how many of you were laughing at the clumsiness of Fat?

I’ll bet that those of you who are fat are laughing at Thin and those who are thin are laughing at Fat.

Back when Twiggy was still a sensational, those of us who were less curvaceous were considered to be lucky and much envied. And now, with all the talks of eating disorder, the model agencies are shunning those who are thin and media starts picking on those who are thin and creating negative news about us. We Twiggys alike are suddenly being condemned, through no fault of ours, except for most of us, our genetic combinations.

I confess I have my insensitive moments towards people who are bigger but I do feel bad when I do. Like yesterday, while having lunch with a few of my friends, I pronounce without a thought to them that I hope that one of lady in the dance show wouldn’t win because she is fat. Without a thought I have undoubtedly hurt one of my friends, who was leaning towards the plump side. I felt really bad after that for making that judgmental, rude and insensitive comment.

And I admit, sometimes when I read or hear about how people are calculating calories in food they eat and calories they lost while exercising, I can’t help but feel amused and annoyed they are doing such a silly thing, all in the name of becoming thin, especially when they look perfectly fine to me.

If you still think being thin is nice and I am just rubbing it in, think again. A few of my friends and I have a hard time looking for nice clothes that truly fits us. And it is most annoying that when we do find nice clothes, most times they are just too big to be flattering.

If you think all people who are thin have eating disorder, I’d have to say you’re wrong. I have no problems with eating but perhaps unlike most who eat whenever they with food, I eat only when I feel hungry. I don’t hate eating but sometimes it just get terribly tiresome, especially when you’re rushing for projects or half way through a show or book.

I just want to point out that the media should emphasize on healthy living, instead of being so extreme. First showing how being thin could be the solution to anything, and now secondly how being thin means we are anorexic. I don’t like feeling like I have been ostracized because I am small and thin. The fashion industry should produce more clothes in size 0 or 00 for Asians who are naturally smaller in size. Period!

Desperate times call for desperate measures

When battling your eyelashes fail to bewitch a guy into doing anything for you, turn on your girl-next-door or I-could-be-your-sister-or-daughter charm full blast. If that still fails, don’t worry, the guy is probably gay with no siblings or kids. Besides by now, you’d probably realise you don’t really need his help after all.

I feel that it is very important to be self-reliant and I find it quite saddening to realise that I am one of those woman, or almost woman anyway, who feel that it is important to have a guy do things for me. That is why I have long since abandoned the idea of ever becoming a passionate feminist.

Sometimes, sub-consciously, when I walk with a guy and we approach a door, I’d naturally step aside and let him do the job. I caught myself doing that a few times and by the time I want to open it, there is already no need to. It is already opened—by a guy. And the thing is I realise I would never do that to a girl unless I am jesting. Should I feel ashamed of myself for my sexist thinking? That a man should always do things for a woman?

Pardon me, but I think the only reason why man are created by god, is to serve us women.

Just kidding. Lighten up, dude.

I am not ashamed of myself for feeling that a man should always do gentlemanly things for women. But, a woman should also learn to be self- reliant seeing that the world is evolving into a whole new next level, whereby in near future, there might be some confusing as to what the man should do and what the woman should.

Yup, so my advice to woman out there who are like me, learn to be self-reliant and learn it fast. Have no expectation of what a man should do (save yourself some misery and then some), and take whatever that comes your way.

What is the world made up of?

Arts and sports, I would venture to say, add them up and you would get a whole world of differences. Pun intended.

Just over the weekend, I volunteered myself to help up as a sub-com committee member at Sports Club for our poly’s sport’s symposium. (Big word, simply means, seminar!) I was truly overwhelmed by the energy the sports people are radiating. I hate to admit this but when compared; the arty-farty people I have gotten used to seem really subdued.

It was a culture-shock for me, the din they create just simply by being there and their size, or rather their built, regardless of their sexes were fit and strong and, oh, so tanned. Being in their midst, I cannot help but feel like a frail, white and little wild-flower about to be blown away by the softest breeze. Ha! Just exaggerating! But still, it was intimidating.

And because all the guys, were taller than me (which doesn’t say much seeing that I’m really short), so strong and not bad looking, they all appear average. Erm… But of course, there was one who stood out. He was really tall, tanned, has an air of self-assurance (who wouldn’t, with his looks and all), got the brooding kind of look and handsome, generally looking larger than life. The kind you know, Sam, I would go, Wow, oh my goodness, he is HOT and you would go, yah, I was looking at him, too. –Gush, giggle, giggle- ;-)

Almost sorry…

Wow, I just got a wake up slap from reading the profile of a friend from old time. Goodness, I am not trying to be sick or anything but I love his style, very in your face.

He mentioned that those who claim themselves bitches are more than like just trying to fit in and they should go ahead and date a mouse. Well he got it wrong for my case, I am just trying to be cool, not trying to fit in and I’m through with dating mouse, I am now dating a guinea pig. You’ve got a problem with that?

I’m just a lil bitch not a big one ‘cos I’m cute as a button and mischievous as a pixie. Hahaha. I’m feeling freaking juvenile all over again.

Know what, I feel almost sorry posting a new entry. I’m almost sorry, Jesse, but like they have said life moves on so, MOVE OVER!

Labels: testing. testing. 1. 2. 3.