PLEASE READ THESE TERMS:
[#o1] Welcome to mah bloggy
[#o2] Do not rip anything off
[#o3] Whats here remains here
[#o4] Tag before you leave
[#o5] No vulgarities
[#o6] Leave if you're unhappy

JOANIE I am pretty much like every other girl. Perhaps not that much. I like thinking for my own. One thing I can't tolerate is for people to tell me they know me. I find that terribly arrogant. bolditalicstrikestrong

credits
ME. kynzgerl
CODES. SHOTGUN
BRUSHES. 1 2 3 4
IMAGES. 1 2 3

ARCHIVES
August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007

♥SAM ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend ♥friend

TAGBOARD HERE
cbox is recomended

When you’ve had enough…

Just cut your loses and say goodbye, why go on clinging to some lost hope?

I think it really, really suck when you have given your best, expecting a better result, only to have every single effort of yours thrown back to your face. It is really disheartening.

Sometimes, when life gets miserable and it is time to make the decision to cut your losses, we tend to fear if it is the right thing to do. That’s why it takes not only a lot of love for your own self; it also takes a lot of courage too to break out of the senseless habit and routine of doing what you thought might have worked, because, sometimes, the right way of doing things may not be the best way to handle that particular situation.

I’ll find my balance…

Constantly working towards a better mind, body & soul.

LOVE… What’s that?

“'Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head”

Silly, silly me! I keep thinking back on what I said and wish for the millionth time I said something else, or rather, nothing at all.

I never felt so comfortable with anyone that attractive, we spend time talking and comfortable silences were filled with stolen glances, on my part at least. We talked about so much and those few hours we were kept together, seemed to make an impact on my soul and opened my mind. I never really thought about how my perfect man would be but after meeting that hottie, my standard was totally set.

He’s tall, attractive, witty, and casual, and he smells so good. –taking in a deep breathe- his smell still lingers round my head. But, of course, the air I just took in smells like… hmmm… somethings are better left unsaid, or in this case, ‘undescribed’.

He asked, if I’m single and I said yah. Asked again if I ever had a boyfriend, I said no because my parents don’t allow and that I’m still studying. The questions and answer were fine, until he asked if TPH woo me would I relent and get into a relationship. I replied no and added it would soothe my ego though. I could honestly kick my ass at that moment!

Yup, there go all my fantasies of a future with him.

I’m remembering all the things he said because at the moment I still can’t quite believe someone like him actually exist. So… perfect beyond mere words.

-Sighing soulfully-

Constantly working towards a better mind, body & soul.

Last day on duty for S2006…

I must admit that though there was some dissatisfaction about some of the way things are handled, overall I would say this had been a really enriching and fruitful experience.

I learned more from bus uncles, policemen, passengers on board and random people I’ve met during this event, than I have from some of the lecturers who had taught me for months in my education institution. I have met people who were fun to hang out with and people who are real, people whom I don’t have to think twice before speaking or weigh my words before voicing them. I like it very much; I truly enjoyed myself throughout this event and had a genuine liking for everyone I have met, except one or two.

Everyone was smiling and happy all the time, sometimes I feel as though it was a mini utopia. I like the positivism, courtesy and respect that were shown to everyone and I truly hope that through this experience, everyone would improve on their interpersonal relationship with people and service could always be at its best, not only towards foreigners but also towards local, especially locals.

Well, tomorrow’s back to the real world!!!

Working to be a more positive and friendly person with a better mind, body & soul.

Foreigners V. Locals

I’ve been told by fellow locals that not all foreigners are really all that nice and good. But Hey! I’ve got news, not all locals are all that nice and good, either. In fact, just within a day, which is yesterday, I have seen both sides of foreigners and locals in four different people.

On my first shift, I met Mr. Correspondent from Shanghai again, this time round he gave me his name card, which was really nice of him, and we talked about more interesting stuff. He told me about the different places and people in China. That Tibetans are a group of exotic looking minorities in China who don’t look like Chinese at all, and the place they live are way above sea level on snow-capped mountain and the air pressure there is so low, visitors had to bring along with them oxygen bags.

I’ve also learned a lot more about what is going on for IMF through him. He told me US adding pressure for China to re-evaluate and to appreciate their exchange rate, and explain the rationale behind it. China’s trading economy will be greatly affected if the appreciation is too drastic, too fast. People will stop getting imports from China because China will no longer have price advantage over US, or any country for the matter, which will result in a drop in their trading economy.

He is one of the few people I’ve ever met who really has a purpose in life. He is obviously smart yet he is humble and constantly seeks for ways to push himself towards improvement, and I do respect him for all that.

On one of the other shifts, I met this American lady, who excused me from entertaining her because she has been in Singapore for more than 2 ½ years. I was thinking to myself, it didn’t matter even if she’s a local, if she wanted to talk, I would have talked to her. But I left her on her own anyway; the bus journey was smooth but long. Before she alighted she told me it was crazy that the bus journey took so long and she could have reached here faster if she had walked. I had doubts that she could walk that far but kept it to myself because I felt quite bad. She thanked me halfheartedly and I apologized to her, hoping very hard to appease her but I doubt it would do the trick.

One positive encounter and one not so pleasant encounter with two foreigners.

There are many pleasant locals; my bus uncle, Lim, was one of them. Initially, I heard from a friend that he is very quiet but it turned out that he does talk but only when there the right kind of topic. He talked to me about a number of things and I learned a lot from him too. After Mr. Correspondent alighted, he was the one who showed me the image of the snow-capped mountain, and he was really excited when he talked about it. His traveling experience to 62 countries, I remember, we talked about him in China and US, he even advice me to go Orlando if I ever visit US. He seems quite proud about his experience, like a father talking about his son, so I just listen and allow him to indulge, it was nice, really.

He also talked to me about the IMF, BRIC, which represents Brazil, Russia, India and China. These are the countries who owned lots of natural resources. What a knowledgeable bus uncle!

Then, lastly, is my very unpleasant encounter with the policeman. What a drastic change from Mr. Hottie, they decide to throw me a challenge, to Mr. MCP. About the policeman I got yesterday, body odor aside, he had a very arrogant mannerism about him that really makes me feel like squeezing his neck and he had nothing good to say about anyone. He must be the most miserable man on Earth; heavens have mercy on his wife. He had nothing good to say about Mr. Correspondent or Ms. America, he even throw me looks when the bus uncle talks about his experience overseas. He is the kind who would tell me that foreigners are lousy people, yet he is worst. And he was crowding MY SPACE!!! I absolutely hate it when guys get too close whether he is hot, or NOT, in his case.

I really HATE it when the bus is so empty and huge, he and the policeman I got first day, had to stand so close to where I am sitting. Worst, sometimes after checking that no one wishes to take my bus and I wanted to walk back to my seat. He had to be standing up put his arms up, shift his body aside and, poor dear me had to bend my head to get to my seat under his, did I mention he has body odor?, arm. Cringed!!! I hate all men, at this moment. Disgusting, fat and stinking MCP. By the end of my last shift, I couldn’t wait to break free from the stifling bus…

Let’s see, if a guy ever tries and be funny,
Funny guy: “I smell fear in you…”
You: “oh, Yeah? I though it’s your body odor we’re smelling.” Argh…

Yup, one pleasant encounter with a local and one extremely lousy encounter with the reservist policeman. Yikes!

Sigh, working towards being more tolerant and a better mind, body & soul.

What a day…

Last night, I was too tired to write a new entry yet I had too much on my mind to slip into a peaceful slumber. Yesterday, I would say, was an eventful day. There were a few more passengers than the previous day, who were mostly from the media. I tried my best to keep them entertained unless they’re otherwise occupied.

There was this Chinese man from the Shanghai media, Mr. L., he was really nice and easy to talk to, we talked about some random stuff and I can relate to some of what he was telling me. We talked about food, he felt that Singapore hasn’t got enough variety for Chinese food, he didn’t like bak ku teh and neither do I, and he didn’t like other ethnic’s food very much, so he had to cook sometimes. Then we talked about him having to cook at home, and I even suggested that he could try egg omelette with mushroom. =)

I saw a kindred spirit in him when we talked about this. à He saw a need to speak better English and wanted to improve on it but in his country, it was not easy to find someone who could converse with him in English. So when he came to Singapore for a 9 months exchange, he spoke to everyone mostly in English. He said the only way for improvement is when you push yourself to be better at whatever you want, and that, I couldn’t agree more.

The above conversation I had with Mr. Media is my evidence that I have pushed myself out of comfort zone and that, makes me feel really good about myself. =)

Alright, back to the start of yesterday again, I met this police man on board and he is quite a hottie, right, really a hottie seeing that he is a mix of Indian and Malay. Hmmm… Sam might have something to say about this. Anyway, I learned that he doesn’t like cockroaches, dust, doesn’t like shaving and I think he likes to think of himself as a bad boy. He was nice to look at and easy to talk to and hey! He thinks I look pretty, like Glenda C. So, by the end of the day, when we are both heading back our own ways, I feel a dull pang of loss and regret, like I’m losing something forever. But well... c'est la vie, nothing goes on forever. I think the most important lesson in life is learning how to let go.

Also it is easier letting go when you cast a wider perceptive on a narrower situation.

I think the reason why people often settle for, or get less is because in a small situation they tend to think even smaller.

This is a big, BIG world. Settle for anything less and you’re all kinds of fool.

Working to be a better host and towards a better mind, body & soul.

p.s. the poem is in the entry called, stages in life.

MY FAMILY!!!

At this age that I am, I think my peers generally would think they could not live without their friends. I on the other hand honestly think I could, without most of them anyway, as long as I have my family with me.

Today’s my little cousin’s birthday. He celebrated his birthday at some chalet, or the other, and invited his family from two sides, mother’s and father’s. I am from his father’s side and I find it really sad that not everyone from his father’s side turned up. It is a family gathering, for heaven’s sake, yet from our side, three ‘sub-family’ choose not to turn up. One of the families didn’t want to come because their child was sick, which is pretty reasonable and the other two choose not to come because of some siblings’ squabble.

I think whatever or however bad the issue is, the adults still shouldn’t deny their child, niece and nephew a chance to a proper family gathering. Especially, these days when every family is a small one, I think it is not only unfair but also unhealthy for the child. If you adults think you can survive in that single family unit, you are being self absorbed once again.

Where do you think your child can learn better interpersonal skills? Child care centre with their friends? Well, friends come and go, but family will always be there. It is a great social tie the binds your child home and to what's right. Imagine, without family, you have grown old and pathetic, you child finds you a bore and leaves you; no one will step in, stop them and stand up for you because they don’t know. But with family, their cousins and relatives will step in, stop them and encourage them to do the right things.

What I am saying is that being the only child, I sometimes do feel cheated. I think I deserve a twin or at least a sibling. But being the only child also taught me to be more appreciative of every single family members. I love my cousins so much, every single one of them. I love my grandparents and, aunties and uncles as well. How dull life would be without them.

But then again the thing with family is that they always think they know what’s best and that at times can be quite annoying. Like I’ve always said, family is the only reason I maintain such a thing called morals, and at times morals do get tedious. But for my family’s sake I would maintain them, at least for now… ;-)

Working constantly for a better mind, body & soul.

Finally, I see people and then some…

Yesterday, there were people who took the bus but there still weren’t a lot but definitely an improvement over the previous day. I was really happy about the improvement but absolutely disappointed with myself.

I had everything I've wanted to say to the delegates up in my head, but I was so nervous the whole time I avoid looking at them to prevent conversation. By the end of it, I was so disgusted with myself for not giving myself a chance to give it my best in making them feel welcome, I started thinking of all the half hearted things I have done recently, namely my exams, I was filled with self-loathing.

Sometimes, I really don’t understand myself, why do I feel a need to restrict myself? Will not doing anything brings me far? NO! I am not going anywhere until I do something about it.

Tomorrow will be a brand new day and I shall do something about it. I will tell them about the esplanade and a pretty story about our merlion, then to keep conversation going I will ask them what they are doing there at the Suntec convention centre. COME ON, Joanie, they are not going to eat you. They’re only human.

Sigh. I really need to stop being timid and start to be firm in every area of my life. I am going to flash my beautiful smile and talk to the delegates to make them feel welcome!!!

Struggling towards a better mind, body & soul.

What an extraordinary day…

Today’s my first day on duty for the event S2006. It was an absolutely exquisite experience. I mean, think about it, how often are you young and how often do you get to be a “tour guide”, unless you are really a tour guide…

Reflecting on the events today, I am at once relief, sad and disappointed.

You would think that because this is a government organized event, the whole operation will be smooth as silk. That is right, but only on the surface. At the place where all bus hosts are supposed to report to, it was so disorganized and chaotic, everyone had to wait. A few of my friends actually even missed their buses which they are supposed to be on duty. Thankfully, I was on time, barely. At least, they made it up by bring out their hotties once again. Sigh… and you know what they say about attractive people and how they tend to be forgiven more easily. ;-)

At least the bus trip was smooth, the bus driver and the policeman on board were very nice to me. Though the bus driver didn’t talk much, I like it that he smiles a lot, no wonder he was chosen for this event. The policeman on the other hand is a different story all together, talks too much, which is fine with me. But he makes me feel like I am the most boring girl on earth, honest. But hey! He’s right. Aside from shopping, reading, hanging out with my family and going to the beach, there’s nothing much I do. I don’t go to clubs, I don’t hang out much with my friends, I don’t go for camps and I never had a boyfriend. Really, girl can’t get anymore boring than this.

What really surprises and saddens me is the fact that no one turned up, no one took the bus on which I was having my duty, or any other buses. Its like, you have planned a grand party and invited everyone you know, feeling extremely excited and scared that something might go wrong during the party, only to realise later that no one has turned up. The sense of the relieve is there, but the disappointment is so acute that it makes me feel sorry for everyone, especially those are in charged of transportation, who has put in a lot of hard work to make these transportations available for the invited guests.

Tomorrow, I hope there will be people. And I am going to put in my best effort to make them feel welcome, so the effort of those in charge of transportation will not go to waste. This is Singapore, my homeland; one for all will apply in my case, not sure if the other way round can be said though. Hmmm… spoken like a true skeptic.

Anyway, I got back my results today; I am very relieved that there is no need for me to re-take any subjects. Thanking my lucky stars. However, I’m disappointed with the way I’ve let myself go this semester. I shall work harder towards being a better person who strives for the best, to be the best.

A conversation I had with a friend today really amuses me till no end. We were discussing our future, our ambition. She wants to be a lawyer and possibly the first female Indian president. And I confided to her teasingly that I want to be the best housewife. She nodded her head, “yah, you’ve got the housewife look”. Hey, I was just kidding right! But I think she meant it. Hmmm… Anyway what I really want to be is a criminal psychologist.

Actually, I wasn’t entirely kidding when I said I want to be the best housewife. I want to be the best kind of wife who will always be there for her husband, but of course the husband has to first prove be deserving, then we will learn everything and grow old together. I will also be his good hostess, since my husband dear will be his grace, the duke, he will of course often hold parties for his friends. Then I want to be the best kind of mother to our children, I want to be there to watch them grow, with my husband, of course. =) Then after that I will think about becoming the best criminal psychologist.

I do love my parents.

The world is a beautiful place when you start seeing a reason to live.

Constantly working towards being a better person; a better mind, body and soul.

Right now…

There are two things on my mind right now and I think I’ll have a hard time concentrating on any other thing if I don’t express how I feel.

First and foremost is the event S2006, which is the World Bank conference, held in Singapore. I’m at once excited about the event and disappointed with how it is carried out. I’m excited that the world is visiting us and tomorrow I’ll be playing the role of the delegates’ bus host. However, I find it pretty hypocritical that we are only encouraged to provide good service during this event. Why not before? Worst, are we only providing good services to the foreigners and not the locals?

I think most people’s concept of good service is only between sales promoter and consumers. However, I think good services should not only be just that, it should be a positive attitude between people and that includes employer-employee, employer-employer and employee-employee. Ideally, good services should start from within, within a person himself or within a shop itself. We need to have the basic positivism within before we can correctly portray and project ourselves as a country which provides good service; with that I think good service should start with locals. Otherwise, the kind of services we are providing right now, I feel, is very superficial and fake.

If you’re a foreigner, how would you feel if you step in a shop only to see the sales assistant roll his eyes when a local ask for help in looking for something, and the moment he saw you, his eyes bright up and ask you how can he assist you today? Or if you step in a shop filled with tension and hostility among the employer and employees and suddenly when someone sees you he breaks into a bright smile, don’t you feel threatened—like a prey?

I think that just because you’re the employer or someone with authority doesn’t make you always right, it just means you’re supposed to be right most of the time. Having said all that, I just want to say I am disappointed with the person in charge of the welfare of the bus host for this event. Isn’t our uniform supposed to be provided? I’ve sent my pants for alteration, which they promise they’ll call me after it’s done, they haven’t. I called the person in charged in MINDEF, he told me he’ll check but never got back to me until I asked him again the next day only to be rudely told to check my email. Am I supposed to feel good about how I am treated? Would you feel good if this is how you’re treated? So much for encouraging us to provide good services!

Next is regarding my interest group, choir. I am really happy about the improvements I thought about, I have decided that everyone is to learn the song before each session and during each practices, we will start on the improvement of the songs. That way, every session will be more effective. Next step would be how my managing committees and I will go about encouraging and motivating the other members do exactly that. =) Now I understand what it means to be a leader with visions and better still, I am slowly getting a hang of how to go about using my authority as an overall leader. I hope the end of year concert will going well, to me this is success: everyone going on stage with a crystal clear idea of what to do, no doubts, no hesitations.

Still constantly working towards a better mind, body & soul.

Finding the right kind of Balance

Stop deluding yourself! We are all jugglers in a circles. Trying to Juggle: family, friends, school (in my case), and many other obligations... Just when I thought I've finally found it, what I said in the past few days came back to bite my ass!

I was supposed to be at a chalet few days back which I've paid. But I decided to turn it down because I just wasn't in the right kind of mood to socialize. That's not all, if I had decided to go, I'd have to help out in some decoration for a birthday party of a friend. Come on, you've gotta be kidding, I paid and I have to work? Isn't the chinese saying, Give whatever you can, money or effort? Well, I've given the money and effort I've none to spare.

I said something to that effect in an sms to a good friend and somehow someone whom that sms wasn't intended to read it, read it. Well, that is the kind of rude surprises I can honestly live without. So I heard he was pretty angry about it, seeing that he has an infatuation on the birthday girl. Hmmm... I really shouldn't be bothered by it since neither the guy who read the message nor the birthday girl are my close friend or good friend, but I can't help feeling indignant about the whole thing. After all, that sms wasn't meant for him! But well... c'est la vie.

I'll be the first to admit, I'm more of a taker and not much of a giver. So if you ever expect more than you deserve from me, you're in for a rude surprise. But I can be one of the most loyal friend and confidant, that much I can say for myself. I will not hesitate to stand up for a friend whom I think is wronged and I will always, always stand by you. In my own way, I will even show you where you stand in my life, I can be nice simply because I love you as a person, I can be cold and distant to those I hold in secret contempt or if I feel uncomfortable with you, but that doesn't mean I don't like you.

Having said all that, I just want to say that my Best Cousin, Sam, is one of the most generous person I've ever known. And she makes me want to be a better person and be more generous. =) A good thing 'cos people you love should always bring out the best in you.

This world rocks because of the rude surprises, to show me, what a sturdy source of energy Sam has always been in my life. Thank God, in my case Mother Nature. ;-) A joke only we know.

Working towards the better person that I want to be, A strong Mind, Body & Soul.

A Tortured Soul...

A saturated pain so intense, it blocks out rational thoughts and numbs the other senses. Yup, that is exactly how I feel on a certain day in every other month.

Yesterday was one of those days... Unfortnately, I had a dinner date, at Pasir Ris's Lerk Thai, with my best friend, Funny, but thankfully she was very understanding about it. Even though we ordered our food, I barely touched mine and at some point I started feel extremely nausea. The waiters as well as the waitresses there were attentive and kind, overall their service ROCKs, but hey, seeing that I was in pain, my attitude was also pretty good, too.

After dinner, I asked to be excused but Funny accompanied me to the toilet, where I puked rather unprettily. I was really embarrassed so I asked her again to leave, but she didn't. Can you imagine how mollified I was? She had just finished her dinner but stayed to hear my retching, just to make sure I'm fine. Really, I couldn't ask for a better friend.

Love You so much Funny!!!