Friday, March 30, 2007
It hurts to hear your insensitivity...Having caught an occasional cold myself before, I now know that illnesses of any kind can be hard to bear, especially when they are grave and fetal, like cancer, aids or heart attack.
You may call me a philistine for there are certain kind of humour I can’t find it in myself to appreciate them. I find jokes about illnesses cruel and I find jokes about death utterly tasteless, for I know what kind of destruction an illness can do to a person and how difficult it is have a death within my family, albeit my extended family.
I was at choir last week when one of my friends told me abruptly to treasure and be appreciative of my life. Frankly, I hate it when people tell me such things. Like D-U-H? Of course I do cherish my life, who is she to make the assumption that I don’t? Such impudence!
Then later she shared with me that she has a good friend my age who was just diagnose with leukemia. I feel really sorry hearing it because I can understand what it is like having someone close (not necessarily emotionally) diagnose with such an illness. What disappoints me was her exclamation on her friend’s beauty going to waste. (tsk, tsk)
My sorrow was based on something more, something deeper as compared to my friend’s, I’d dare say, even though the friend was hers. But then who am I to judge how she deals with sadness, everyone has their own way of dealing with it. What I felt is honest sympathy towards her family. I can almost imagine the kind of helplessness her family must be feeling watching their daughter struggle against the disease and their daughter’s anguish to have gotten it.
I remember the times when my mum would come into my room teary eyed and before long both of us would end up crying together. That was when we first got news that my aunt, my mum’s sister had gotten breast cancer. It doesn’t matter that most times she and her sister are at odds or how often I felt prejudice against, it still hurts knowing she’s in pain. I am not saying I feel her pain just because she is family, that’d be hypocritical seeing that we don’t get along very well most times. It is just very painful to watch another human hurting or unwell, especially so if they are someone you are very close to and it doesn’t matter who that person might be.
That same night, my friend made two comments on different occasion that really angered and shocked me.
She remarked on why her friend couldn’t have gotten a cancer of another nature, i.e. the womb or other parts. She felt that perhaps if it were a cervical cancer, all that was needed to be done was to have the womb removed. I was outraged beyond words that she would actually think that one cancer could be better than another.
Even now, I am struggling with words to express how I feel. Firstly when she made that remark, she had belittled what all the other cancer patients have gone through. It really pisses me off because she has absolutely no rights to say that. She isn’t living it first hand neither is she living with it in close proximity. She just doesn’t understand the kind of suffering the patient goes through or the pain of watching a person fading day by day. Or she would never have made that comment because being diagnose with cancer isn’t about failing or end of the world or the start of what ifs, instead it is about the courage to overcome a fear and stand up against the fight.
Secondly, I mean honestly, how insensitive is that? Think about it, womb, breast, kidney, blood, lungs, they are all vital. Does she really think her friend would be any happier if the cancer was in her womb? What if the sole dream of her friend was to get marry and have children of her own? So what if you can adopt? You’d miss out a chance on knowing how it is like to nurse a beloved child within your body. And THAT is a very previous part of life to be missing out on!
My aunt, back then I always thought she’s brave but after that conversation with my friend, my admiration for her courage to overcome her fear and fight against the fight has increased ten-fold.
In front of everyone, she was as regal and aloof as ever and right from the very start, she took care of herself. Then during the five years followed, I never once saw her break down to curse at what fate had put on her. She is, without a doubt, one of the strongest women I know.
Moving on to the second comment my friend made, I’d say I was more shock than I was outrage. She wondered aloud, in front of everyone at dinner, why isn’t her family dead yet, then when on to give weird statistic of people with family who passes on every who-knows-when period. At first, I truly thought I had misheard. Goodness, what a cold and shocking thing to be saying.
I know I once said I wish I were an orphan(not anymore), frankly that is world apart from wishing your family dead.
My family. They will always be my first priority. Those I love most are my parents, my grandparents and Sam’s family. And I know I am loved. At this moment, I feel a mixture of peace and sorrow.
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JOANIE
I am pretty much like every other girl. Perhaps not that much. I like thinking for my own. One thing I can't tolerate is for people to tell me they know me. I find that terribly arrogant.
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