Wednesday, March 21, 2007
You may be the one attesting to my contributions
Or
You could be the one bearing witness to my weaknessTruly, I have had enough. I have made a decision last week to step down from the committee of my interest group, choir, instead of staying in for one more year, and eventually quitting it before moving to sports. At a different time, different place with a different group of people, perhaps everything would have been fine. Unfortunately, it wasn’t and this is real life, I guess.
Humbling as it may be to admit to this, I now know I am not a born leader. At this point of time, I don’t see a point in continuing to hold on to a role I am not ready to handle. It is sad I didn’t realise this earlier, and had wasted a year of my life doing something that had not given me happiness but the all misery and disappointments that a leadership role promise.
There are some times in the past year when I get so dejected, I could no longer tell if I am going for choir because it had been my interest to be there or it had been the obligation of the role that compelled me to be there. But now,
I know.
And there are other times I grow so weak from my struggle, I just simply wish there had been someone who could given me a hug from the back, for assurance and for a cocoon to hide in, even just for a while.
I shan’t discredit myself and say I have not done anything to contribute at all, for I know I had given my best to my interest group. Perhaps the best ways I know how haven’t even been good enough. But that’s all that I have, for now, and I have given it.
What saddens me more than anything was the passive acceptance of choir’s advisor, I couldn’t help but feel betrayed that she had failed to inquire the reason and try to understand why, and then try persuading me to stay. Though of course, I would have firmly turned down. It is pride, I will own up. But isn’t it rude to just dishonor someone who had worked (so hard) for the group you are in charge of for the past year, by just brushing her resignation off like it is of no importance???
I will be leaving with my head up high, knowing I had given my best. But the pain of my regret that I could have been better if I had better guidance and the fact that all my contributions had not been recognized would make me leave my interest group with a heavy heart.
PLEASE READ THESE TERMS:
JOANIE
I am pretty much like every other girl. Perhaps not that much. I like thinking for my own. One thing I can't tolerate is for people to tell me they know me. I find that terribly arrogant.
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