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JOANIE I am pretty much like every other girl. Perhaps not that much. I like thinking for my own. One thing I can't tolerate is for people to tell me they know me. I find that terribly arrogant. bolditalicstrikestrong

credits
ME. kynzgerl
CODES. SHOTGUN
BRUSHES. 1 2 3 4
IMAGES. 1 2 3

ARCHIVES
August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007

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Music… Who can live without it?

It is a necessity, a daily dose of sanity. And youtube is where I get my cure.

I was listening and watching the video for that thing you do by the Wonders, sure brought back plenty of memories! and was also listening to maroon 5’s makes me wonder. Both are nice songs are sang with super cute guys.

Guys with talent are soooo sexy. –swoons-

Run!!!

Crap!!! I promise I’m over Vishal. So over him, but I can’t help feeling small and awkward around him.

I was walking with Ain and Kannan, when I saw, I turn another direction and left them. Opps. Doesn’t it sound familiar? Crappy crap. That was exactly what I did when I was with my dad and I saw this super cute guy, I turn around and left my dad.

Ohhhh man. Talk about fight or flight. I ran at the first chance I got. I swear I am so over him but I just can’t control the way I feel. Wait… gonna check out now what trigger it. Ok, so it’s a natural response when face with a threat.

Gosh I need to get a grip anyway I’ve gotten another blog account probably gonna change over soon.

Keep you updated.

MY biggest REGRET (listening to sometimes when we touch)

I’ve been itching to talk at length about my biggest regret up to date for days!!!

My biggest regret is a guy. His name is Dino. He is the sweetest guy I have ever known and liked, not just his looks but also his personality. I am easily attracted to people and I usually like their looks more than their personality, such is the honest shallow life of mine. Yes, you read it correctly; I am the shallowest person that I know of (after my best friend).

Unlike most guys I know, Dino is kind, I know it sounds icky for a guy to be called kind, but he truly cares about how others feel. And one thing I cannot resist is kindness. Despite the many times I had done stupid silly things that hurt, he never turn his back on me. Its probably really silly to talk about all this now that it is all in the past and I’d probably have done the same things if given a chance to make things right.

Even so, I still couldn’t help the way I felt the other when I woke up from my nap thinking of him. It’s like somewhere deep in my soul, I know I am missing a part of something really good.

He’s attached now, so even as I resent that fact, there’s nothing I can do. Perhaps I can wait until another some one special comes along. But then again as My best friend would say, he’s only attached not married. And this would be my reply, so what if he’s married?

Really, when you think about it, life is so freaking short. Why bother so much with what’s right and wrong as long as you’re able to live with your conscience? I know it’s easier to live with a guilty conscience, than it is to live without Dino.

But then, of course, I’m just saying it. Perhaps there would be one day when I would meet him again. And truly, I look forward to it.

Utter restlessness

I’m feeling sad. I am bored with life and sick of school. I wish right now. I am all dressed-up and out having fun or just sleeping the night away.

I’m feeling pathetic for feeling resentful towards people close to me.

I am feeling infinitely resentful for not having anyone to turn to, someone whom I can jump for joy at getting a place at Harry Elias and Partnership. Please hear me out before getting defensive. Some were busy, some didn’t realise the significant of it and some just haven’t got a place yet. Ah crap, why am I even sweating the small stuff?

I just think that there are more people who are there for me when I’m sad then there are people who are there when I want to jump for joy. Sigh. I mean really, if you know me well enough, how often do you see me on the verge of jumping for joy?

Alright, I’m over it.

Hmmm… right now, I wish I were out on a sweet smelling grass pasture, wind blowing right in my face and right beside me, my horse and I can at any time to rub my face against its neck.

It is so stifling here with so many concrete walls. I can’t wait to marry a rancher and get out of this place.

Sometimes, I feel very distant and detached from everyone. I could almost sink right into the background and observe all that’s going on. It is like no matter how close you are to each other or how close you claim to be, at the end of the day, you are still living a separate life. I don’t expect someone to live through my life with me 24/7, but I’m just dreaming of how nice it would be to have someone who understands, appreciates and cares, entirely and wholeheartedly. If I just had one person like that in my life, I wouldn’t need to be with him or her 24/7, just one day out of the week is enough. I’d live through my whole week just for that one day.

Sometimes, we’d like think we are something special in someone else’s life but how often are we really that?

Guess what? I’m home now.

I am home now instead of out having fun BECAUSE none of my friends wanted to go.

Alright when I put it like that, I have no one to blame but myself for not being independent enough. Crap.

Alright, I’m not going to harp on it anymore.

Today is my dad’s birthday. We went to eat Jap food, mum’s treat. I bought him 2 polo T cos’ I can’t decide which suited him better.

Before that, there was a lecture. I passed Hany her present and she like it. Actually, I like it a lot myself too. So it is nice that she like it too.

I think it suck when you get someone something special and the person doesn’t appreciate it.

Yesterday was SF’s birthday. I spend a lot for her birthday gift. I am so broke right now.

You know there are sometimes, when you have some special memories and special moments which you want to store somewhere but there isn’t anywhere you can pin it down nor anyone to share it with. You store it in your heart because it’s so special, not everyone can understand what makes it special and when you share it and someone don’t understand it, it somehow makes the whole thing less special.

Anyway, I had a dream the other night. It’s such a particular dream, something really close to my heart. I dreamt that I had an identical twin sister, so nice. It’s a dream I would be glad never to wake up from. –sighs a gentle sigh of yearning-

I’m feeling incredibly sad.

Why isn’t anyone enthusiastic about the gathering??? I’m really sad about it. I can’t believe anyone can turn their back to their past so easily and no one seemed to care what happened to whom. Isn’t that what gathering is all about?

I am so disappointed especially with my best friend. She was always telling me when we graduated that we should never forget our roots (or past), when I tell her I’m so glad to be out of school and I can’t wait to get on with life. Rule number 1: when you’re with me, never preach what you won’t practice because I always remember things like that.

Arghhh…

The only thing that is stopping me from going right now is that I haven’t got him anything.

Just my imagination…

I’m on the high. Ain makes me happy and I feel really young. =)

I can’t remember if I had mentioned this but I want to, again. I gave Ammar his lighter from Vietnam and guess what his msn nick says? –Wiggles eyebrow-

<3 Joan for the lighter

I feel really happy. So happy I want to weep. Not because of what Ammar said but just about everything, about Ain.

Ok back to reality, I suddenly recall spending so much on presents these few days. Sigh. But I really can’t wait to give them away.

Anyway, today I’m not going velvet dragon for that event because I’m down with stupid flu.

Sorry Sam, I didnt mean to be curt. I was in class, I didnt want to get caught so I pulled a fast one.

I’m having a world class nose block!!!

Sigh. I hate feeling unwell. I’m sleepy, I’m worried and I’m feeling grouchy as a bear. And I can’t breathe through my nose. L

I’m worried about not having enough time for my tutorials and assignment. But at least I no longer have to worry over not getting a job for my Student Internship Programme. Harry Elias called to offer me a job without requesting for an interview. Such faith is overwhelming. My teacher said that they must be real impressed with my resume. J

Tomorrow night, I’m going to cross my fingers; I’ll be going to velvet dragon. How weird, they used to be club MOMO where lil Derek had performed last year. Or is it? I’m not sure. Anyway, just checked out their events and apparently, tomorrow they are having an event called the Pop Princess Ladies Night. And you have to dress like it, a Pop Princess that is. Irks. Also, there’ll be a hunk search 2007 on tomorrow too if I’m not wrong.

How cool. Let’s pray my nose block will be gone by then. Now, I’m feeling a lil better. =)

p.s. I think I saw V yesterday. Its this guy whom haven’t shaved for ages, so I can’t be too sure. Then I met JW this guy I dated once in secondary school. How weird I actually smiled and waved. Never thought I would.